In October of 2007 I was asked to travel for work, the destination Kansas City. Little did I realize a week into the trip I would be propositioned for an advancement in my career, which included relocation to said city. Even less than acknowledging this a possibility did I ever think I'd actually do it. A couple more trips that year and January around the corner, my bags were packed and I was on a jet plane.
Understanding the difficulties ahead, I had a specific set of goals and agenda in mind - I had a purpose. I've never made a decision so hard in all my life, not only at the time it was made but a constant resurface throughout the three and a half years to follow. Alone in a new city, without all familiarities or comfort, without my son... every day was near torture, presenting new measurement of dissatisfaction and grief.
There were moments along the way... where I was able to catch a breath of air, smile and appreciate. These moments were primarily contained to the visits made by Alden or my brothers, but also began to develop as new meaningful friendships evolved. As the years unfolded I felt myself grow in new ways, I gained a calming sense of patience and understanding in life. Without getting too ahead of myself, I think I can say that I finally I grew up...
Two years into my hiatus from home, I was asked to move once again. Lacking career opportunities where my heart most desired, I reluctantly accepted. I had felt like I had just come to terms with that city, picking up my bags and voyaging to another, this one less opportunistic. While those last couple of years were spent beating my body and heart into a battered pulp, it was a chosen path that eventually returned me home.
Just over three years later, in January of 2011, the burden was lifted from my shoulders. No longer am I forced to pack Alden's clothes and toys after every visit, hiding them from plain site for weeks at a time to prevent emotions from getting the best of me. I'm no longer forced to go days without hearing his little voice on the telephone, wondering when the next conversation will occur. I no longer cry myself to sleep, question my motives or feel like "that dead beat". NO, in fact it's the exact opposite from all of that. I am once again, quite literally, where my heart belongs... I am FINALLY home.
...And I have never been happier. Ever.
I feel like I succeeded, I achieved my goals and reasons for leaving. With that, let me say two things:
- I love you Alden and
- I will NEVER leave you again.
